#cant say. can't say thats whats happening
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HEHE <3 I’m glad you got the symbolism lol, it’s a bit of deviation from the base metaphor but the vision was too strong to not draw hfbfhhf.
forgor to mention, but will say this was drawn like immediately after you mentioned that Don thought they were leaving him to die during the close scene. I imagine Don’s need to know how long he’d spent there definitely stemmed at least partially from the fear and knowledge that with every second he spent there, the closer he was to a very, very painful dark and lonely death.
Also- irony! An aquatic turtle drowning in dry sand, mocked for its foolishness in coming up to land (even when it was once his habitat too)
YOU DREW THAT IN AN HOUR OR LESS?????? thats INSANEEEEEEE and im JEALOUS lmfao
also yes for sure!! four days is such a horrifyingly long time, he was starving and dehydrated and dizzy, especially because he'd hit his head several times. in CL he takes them at their word a lot (because why would they lie?) but he KNOWS the three hours thing was a lie. he KNEW. there's no way that could have been three hours--- at least, he clung to it as desperate hope that it would be true, because he doesn't trust himself fully enough to be one hundred percent on pretty much any judgement he makes on his own.
when he broke down crying when learning about it i cant really say it was relief, he was too overwhelmed to be relieved. it really put into perspective the reality of HOW cruel they were, knowing that he could have died. if he was a human person there's a very good chance he would have died. he thought he was GOING to die and he was so scared he was making up how awful it was in his head again. and he didn't eat for six days and didn't drink for four. it hurts to think about, and he can't help but wonder what would have happened had he not broken and screamed to be let out when they joked about leaving him behind.
#ask#canary continuity#ughhh donnie goes through so many long stretches of not eating in the later half of CL....#actually him breaking down when finally getting to eat for the first time is one of my favorite scenes in CW so far#its just so heartbreaking. especially how he admits that there was a moment he accepted he'd never eat again :(#that moment with the water bottle is similar its aghhhh#its pathetic but not in a mockable way . its the only word i can use to describe it#he's been gutted for everything and he cant hide how vulnerable he feels anymore :((((#need to slam my own hurt comfort buttons more. because ik people love when i do that LOL
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okay im back hi guys <3 im putting this under a cut because it got very long and also its spoilers for the broadway production! but please please read and indulge me if you dont care abt that <3
literally just the start of it, before any dialogue starts, crushes my heart. johnny looks so small and. resigned? about it all. his arms are crossed over his knees, his shoulders hunched. then the first scream comes from the house, and both dally and johnny turn to look at it. johnny looks away pretty quickly; he's used to this. his eyes are tired, staring out into the darkness of the night. but dally stays watching the window, no doubt wondering what all could be happening in that house, and what all johnny has seen. and dally looks so sadly at johnny, just sitting there and listening to his parents hurt each other.
then dally makes himself known, and johnny damn near jumps out of his skin. and dally puts on a little smile when johnny looks back at him, to make sure johnny knows hes okay. that hes not in trouble. and then theres more screaming and hitting and johnny's eyes go dark again, and he plays with the gravel to give his brain Something Else to focus on besides those damn screams. and god dally just looks so helpless behind him.
"um... your parents going at it again?" "yea." "you cant go in there, huh?" "nah. but.. i cant leave either, cause im afraid hes gonna kill her"
johnny says that last bit so nonchalantly. like its just another normal sentence. and god that hurts. this poor goddamn kid stuck sitting outside his house in the cold, listening to his parents fight, wondering if his dad will finally go that far. hes just sitting and waiting to see if he needs to go in and somehow save the woman who probably wouldn't do the same for him. but that doesn't matter to johnny. he doesn't care if his mother hasn't given him the time of day for over half his life. he doesn't care if his mother never patches up the wounds left by his father. that's still his mother, and he loves her.
and then dally offers him the hershey bar, and johnny grins at him. but that little joy is immediately replaced by his instincts when he hears another scream. he hides the chocolate and resumes his position on the tire, making himself tiny and quiet. he knows that yelling leads to him getting hit, so hes gotta try and hide. also, the insinuation that he thinks the chocolate will get him in trouble.. something as simple as a hershey bar will get him beat, so hes gotta hide it. and god he just looks so tired and scared and empty.
and then suddenly dally is marching towards the door, and johnny can't let him go and break up that fight. he can't let his dad beat on his friend, who knows what he would do and it would all be johnnys fault, right? thats what i imagine is going through his head when he literally leaps on dally and shoves him away from the door. he doesnt even say anything,
but i know dally can see that panicked, scared look in his eyes. so he backs down. and he decides to help his friend, this kid, his brother, in the only way he knows how: a switchblade to defend himself. im sure he wishes he could help more, but he isnt equipped for this. not when johnny refuses to just get up and leave, and that's the only thing dally knows how to do.
this got very long and kinda just turned into a summary of the scene but just. johnny and his tired, sad eyes, and his nervous fidgets, and his flinches and jumps at every noise. johnny who refuses to leave his parents, his mother, no matter what they do to him or each other. johnny who cares so much, who craves the love of a family so much. johnny who sits outside in the cold in case he needs to go into a war zone to save the woman who never even picks up his personal belongings from the hospital after he dies. johnny cade.
the scene with dally and johnny before the drive in is so beautiful and painful. after class i will be back right here to elaborate <3
#the outsiders musical#the outsiders#outsiders musical#the outsiders broadway#johnny cade#dallas winston#dally winston
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anyone else had insane pain in the legs bc of, one assumes, growth spurts as a child?
#that shit was crazy..... i didnt even grow that much#my mom didnt give me any painkillers and instead rubbed my legs with#like. chestnut liquor#chestnut schnapps#expired no less#i dont rmr if the placebo helped#or if i absorbed the alcohol thru my skin#but that schnapps absolutely was the smell of my childhood. ngl i kinda miss it rn#it had a very specific smell#i had leg/growth pain so often as a child rip#sometimes i still get similar pain#like rn#and i think im done growing tbh i didnt grow past 8th grade#you know how some girls got insanely tall in early puberty before everyone else#i never had that#i grew. a below regular... length. at a very slow. pace#and then it stopped#the pain didnt though#i still get like. phantom pain#i think its real pain but bc its the same pain like in my youth... idk#i text my mom every time i get it#and every time she replies with#maybe you're growing :)#cant say. can't say thats whats happening#pers
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anyway every spider-man in the multiverse is alone except for miles. can anybody hear me
#every spiderman starts out thinking theyre the only one#every spiderman learns the lesson that theyre only one person and they cant save everyone#every spiderman grits their teeth and keeps going in face of tragedy#every spiderman learns about the multiverse and when they realize there are other people like them#they pass on their own trauma in a cycle --- this happened to me and it had to happen so that this good thing could also happen#which means that this terrible thing has to happen to you too#thats their universal truth: they cant save everyone alone so they need to maximize their influence to save as many as they can#but miles? miles morales is the spiderman who got bit already knowing who spiderman was#miles is the spiderman who had six different spider-mentors help him come into his own#miles is the only spiderman whose introductory monologue ends with 'and im not the only one'#miles is the one who looks at all these people whove decided they Have to suffer alone and says#'ok but what if i helped you'#'what if instead of taking the good with the bad we still got the good but stopped the bad anyway'#'sure i can't save everyone alone but the whole goddamn point of the multiverse is that im not the only one'#and thats why miles is our hero#across the spiderverse#across the spiderverse spoilers#(tiny amendment actually: miles is actually not the only spider who knows hes not alone right from the beginning#atsv also introduces us to pavitr --- a member of the spider society whos even more of a rookie than miles is#and huh whaddya know: the kid who knew from the start that he wasnt alone is the one whose traumatic 'canon event' is stopped#in a joint effort between him and his friends#yeah that probably isn't foreshadowing or anything)
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these things are always happening to the ones i like :////////
anyways the lighting in this dungeon is so nice
didn't get any good pics bc i was too busy dungeoning but so pretty...best dungeon music so far goes to snowcloak though btw
#ffxivposting#i knew it was coming bc i tried to use the google search bar as a spellcheck for his name (LOL) like a DUMBASS because in the suggestions..#i was like no!! no!! but he's so funny!!!!!! and the second he showed up in game again i started taking screenshots of me n the bestieee#it wouldnt be accurate to say that i am Emotional about this but i am like aw man...but he was so funny...insert montage of All The Memorie#was crazy seeing her looking so distressed in a cutscene. girl me too! he was so funny </3#the loud ass screenshot sound effects throughout the cutscene were funny though.this is who i am#altogether i have like 150+ screenshots of this game thus far.serious shit#IN OTHER NEWS:#- i cant stop laughing at finding out that a.lphinaud is in fact 16 years old. like i was guessing he was 17 or so but man it checks out#so hard. smart fella or not of course the sixteen year old boy naively founded a private army. it checks out so hard. hes cute :)#- since the tail end of arr patch quests ive been checking npc dialogue of relevant characters and thats a bit of a goldmine sometimes#- the first time aymeric(?) (not double checking via google ive learned my lesson) showed up i joked that he was going to be an akc type#and well no. he's really not. but i did cackle when it was revealed that he was a bastard child. clocked him on accident#- addicted to dalamud red dye. was funny when estinien started rocking his blood red armor like omg now we're Extra twinsies!#funny to me when they acknowledge the whole drg class stuff. like ah yes the Other azure drg. sorry estinien this feels like stolen valor#this is just what happens when u play f.fiv multiple times when u are r like 6. and also just think lances are sexy.#- can't wait to find out where tf the rest of the scions went. hi guys. you wont Believe what happened while you were AFK!#that's right! dragons! and then theyre like I Haven't Seen The Light Of The Sun For An Ambiguous Amount Of Time...cowabummer!#i keep joking abt needing to do a wellness check on urianger but honestly hes fine hes living it up in the sand. hes doing fine#- anyway can someone do a wellness check on ysayle(?).#- i've unlocked flight in a couple zones! thankkk god. some of these places are ROUGH to navigate without it sometimes.#- my keybinds are rough. also i have a gauge now. havent gotten to use it bc of level sync but anyway this feels like school#dont worry chat i only do duties with other real players when i Literally Have To Because They Make Me#- anyway. very ? about what theyre going to do with the rest of this story. intrigued. and quite sleepy i must say.
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I've always been annoyed when people are stuck writing female characters in feminine tropes, but when it's a male character they tend to be my fav... The opposite is true too of course. I usually dislike the male characters playing stereotypically masculine roles and love the female ones who do.
And that's why I continue loving Shun :D
He's the 'dead lover" that still exerts a passive influence in the show by being a motivational force and object of yearning for our main characters. And despite Maria's name popping up more, the way they remember her is entirely different from how they remember Shun. Her death brings about anger, regret and guilt. She plays a more "active" role too in the sense that when we remember her, its her feelings (especially towards Saki) at the fore front. She loves Saki, she wants to protect her, yet she has to stay with Mamoru to protect him because he needs her more.
It could be because their physical memories of Shun were wiped out and only their emotional ones remain, but when he's brought up its always about the main characters' feelings for him instead, like how they missed, loved and yearned for him. Actually even before his death, he was subjected to the whims of both Saki and Satoru a lot. Like in the eps touching on him and Satoru being together, he was mostly going along with what Satoru wants. Even Satoru revealed he had to persuade Shun into being in a relationship with him. And with Saki, he always had a powerful influence on her subconscious before and after his death, almost always in the form of revelations and a source of strength and motivation. His storyline and death deals with themes of self-sacrifice and loneliness too so he's definitely a more "passive" character in this sense. The smart, gentle one everyone loved who had to die too young.
Shun is like a drug to them I swear with how addicted to him these 2 are. There's the simpler part of me that just likes that the 2 leads are so in love with him lmao. We actually rarely get to see Satoru being sentimental and open with his feelings even for his friends, but when it comes to Shun, he opens up like in these screenshots. It seems he truly loved him, couldn't get over him even after a decade ;-; Same with Saki ;-;
It's sad too though because this complicated love polygon ends up with some being less loved than others. Mamoru > Maria > Saki > Shun < Satoru with Saki's feelings for Maria being there yet overshadowed by her feelings for Shun. Shun too likes Satoru but probably loves Saki more. And eventually I was spoiled to know Saki and Satoru ends up together and in love :)
Also that Shun would make a final appearance as Saki finally remembers his face :) I hope we get to see some Satoru and Shun too though :))
#also its slowly being hinted at what happened to maria and mamoru and thats just fucked up#i mean its pretty telling when they showed us a scene of maria saying she loves saki but 2 girls can't make a baby#we KNOW what the anime is trying to tell us#she made one with a dude#prob forced by the enemies so they can turn the child into a fiend...........#shun made an appearance again in this ep i watched :')#saki passed out from an explosion's blast and in her subconscious she was reminded of shun's suicide and how she was blasted away too lol#the way this scene was animated was so beautiful and ethereal and impactful#since they brought back the wasp balls that were so memorable in how they were used by shun's as a form of self control#shun ;-;#i feel sad whenever i see his masked face ;-;#i wonder why he had to keep it on? to hide himself due to shame? a form of self control?#either way him wearing it is just sad since that was how we saw him at his last moments. hiding from the rest of the world#cant wait for the ep when he's remembered entirely again ive seen the gifs and fan art its glorious ;-;#i might cry AGAIN D;#ms#anime#shinsekai yori
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if my friend is about to fault me for not liking MONKEY "CHILD ABUSE" GARP, I SWEAR TO GOD,
#HE CHOSE THE NAVY OVER HIS GRANDSON'S LIFE#HE LET THAT HAPPEN... TO ACE AND LUFFY#HE SUCKS!!!!!#and like. its really compelling because its fucking complicated!#garp does care about them and protects them and wants them to be okay! and he has his good moments!#i cant say i dislike him completely! it's complicated because it's a complicated thing! because child abuse doesnt mean there was no love!#but how the hell am i supposed to forgive him for letting ace die! that's unforgivable! you can't make excuses for him!!!!#shes my normie friend. she said she had to go talk to other people to ask if they liked garp to see if she was crazy#shes not crazy i just can't forgive him. no. that's too much. thats fucked up. after what he did. no way.
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I know I should just block (and not OPEN) tags and posts ab '24 but my brain is stupid and likes to be informed even if it makes me worse
#marquilla#im not even joking when i say this next election makes me wanna kms so bad. im fucking terrified and i feel like we already know what's#gonna happen. not bc people arent voting or organizing i mean bc of how far the right has gotten and how angry they are that a#dem won so theyre gonna show up in droves and it's like god i wish we could idk have some safegaurds in place??? like oh idk you#incite an insurrection you Can't run for president?? but also that wouldnt fully stop shit bc florida has its own neo nazi running and#theres more behind him in the wings. but like idk man i just get so fucking suicidal thinking ab the future#and my drs. are like well then dont look at the news??? 'i sure dont' mkay thats great (not) but um i CAN'T not watch bc i need to#be informed i need to know. and they're like well then stop worrying ab it til election day?? LIKE THAT HELPS#so i just dont bring it up. and i just spiral and have breakdowns in the shower and think ab making a will and shit yknow normal stuff#bc this is fine! just dont engage! stop worrying it's like a year away! it MIGHT get better! idk Join in your community then??#like yes yes thats a start but with what fucking energy when im bedbound most of the time im not working and that doesnt stop these fascist#s like me helping the community garden would be good for the community and probably my mental health in general BUT that doesnt deal with#the actual fear that makes me wanna Kermit#like it really fucking feels like all i can do is pray and hope god somehow intervenes (rapture anyone?) and that things do go well and#that the outright outspoken nzis don't win but like I really just wanna die man#i know the outcome more than likely will not directly affect my life bc im white. cis passing. and can go back in the closet regretfully#but like that doesnt reassure me any bc i have friends and loved ones and generally just give a shit ab other people and how this WILL#affect them directly and that terrifies me. it really feels like we cant ever have a moment to just exist yknow??#idk man i just wanna die bc im so scared haha how fun (: how normal (: this is fine. everything is fine.
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Events of last night:
Me: *crying*
My girlfriend: what's wrong?? :(
Me: *struggling to form words* intrusive thoughts are bad... I don't want to talk about them because then I'm scared that they're true and you might think I'm awful
My girlfriend: ah I actually get that. I have those a lot. It doesn't mean anything though, intrusive thoughts are just like dreams. Like the things you do in them aren't really things you want to do, it's just stuff your brain comes up with.
#we then very heavily related over having the same intrusive thoughts and now I'm suspicious#thinking about when i told her i might have ocd and she said i didnt#and starting to feel like thats because... what if we both have ocd#it seems like she was basing her entire knowledge of conditions on people shes known with those conditions. which makes sense#but the person/ people with ocd had severe cleaning compulsions and the like#where as me and her obsess much more over morality#like its very clear we think about it so much. and idk what to do with that information#we both feel like the intrusive thoughts and obsessive ruminating are the only things that keep is from being bad people#or that prevent us from being bad people i guess. idk why that wording is just slightly more accurate#like people who dont think about these things (apparently all 'normal' people since this could be *an actual disorder*)#they're not constantly analyzing. trying to be aware. asking themselves questions about their true nature. judging those answers#theyre not really doing that with other people either. of course i could be wrong since im very clearly not a normal person.#but this is what i mean! im speculating about other people and acknowledging the ways i could be wrong and just trying to figure it all out#but it seems like no one does that and it doesnt *make them* bad people. it just doesn't prevent them from that happening either#like theyre just as likely to hurt people as the 'bad' person thats thinking the same way they are#and i cant ever be comfortable with me living that reality even when *this reality* is a waking nightmare#sure im tearing my skin off (good ole skin picking disorder) when im thinking about these things. sure im crying. sure i can't sleep.#sure it makes me feel like im constantly a horrible person and need to attone for everything ive done and havent done#sure. but then i turn around and say its helping me. because why else would my brain torture me? isnt it always about protecting me?#i don't know. all i know is who i dont want to be and what i dont want. so that exactly what my brain convinces me is real#i guess what it kinda comes to do is#would you rather live a reality where everything around you is superficial. your thoughts behaviors and thoughts. your reactions#all of them are things youre never aware of. you could be hurting people or you could be helping themm#you could even be hurting yourself. but you would never know. its a comfortable reality that youre never really aware of#OR would you rather live a reality aware of all those things. seeking answers and sometimes finding them.#trying your hardest to help others and better yourself and fix the broken things in this world#your reality is one where you recognize every threat that no one else does and it kills you inside because they wont always listen#theyre comfortable and you're stuck in a reality where you try and try and try but even when you succeed#your brain forms its own reality. a metaphorical jail. where you never get to experience the reality you fought so hard for#instead you exist in this sort of purgatory where you live out your own worst fears and the worst ways you could have failed
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the ai art discourse is so fucking stupid man (remembers like half my friends go to art school) (clamps a hand over my mouth)
#i rlly cant see it as anything but a moral panic. ive read panicked editorials panning the use of computers in art#if it causes mass layoffs while simultaneously making every movie look like shit (have you SEEN THAT FUCKING AI GENERATED MARVEL MOVIE OUTR#then thats capitalism treating artists like it always has#im also not disabled but seeing people go “why can't you just draw using a pencil in your mouth instead of STEALING!!!!!!!”#is arguably more ableist than saying “hey lol lets see what disabled people can make with an image scraper”#ai is going to be regulated through god knows how much legal discourse. But if the act of “scraping other peoples art with an computer” its#Lf becomes illegal? Say goodbye to popart and superflat. Adobe is already lobbying for stricter copyright#im mainly concerned abt the layoffs soon to arise from this but why be morally opposed to ai itself as a tool? It's not going away#we need stronger emphasis on unions and ending harsh layoffs of artists and crunch#idk whats going to happen#i jist dont want stricter copyright thats the death of art#not a vague abt any of my followers#fish talks
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When i meet new people its really like
Me: okay. This is going splendid. This is going amazing. I like you, you are very nice, you are very wonderful, you are friend-shaped and you are great! This is going really well so don't say it don't say it don't say it don't say it-
Them: "...my ex/current partner..."
Me: FUCK, ANOTHER ONE???? So it really is just me around here that's never had any kind of relationship or interaction with someone who loves me like that?????? Wtf!??!?!
#It's so weird it's like everybody got this Handbook where they were able to have their first kiss or their first relationship as a child#And it's so easy for these people who are my age and have had multiple axes or are currently in a healthy relationship with someone#But for some reason I just can't seem to find somebody#And as much as I would love to go out and look or have some online dating site due to my current situation I just can't#And I've just sort of had enough of people saying that it happens at some point and they would prefer if they had never had a relationship#But that's a bit of a pisstake considering they don't really understand what it's like to have all of your peers understand what it's like#to be in relationships and have people flirt with them or hold their hands or kiss them or want to be with thsm#or do general couply things with them#And you just feel like some kind of stupid outlier who will never understand because no one seems to want you that way#its just fucking annoying every single time i meet someone i always think it might finally be a shared experience but no#everyone has it figured out#except me i gues#s#and i cant stand people saying theyd just fuck off no you wouldnt#its lonely it feels like shit you feel irrelevant you feel stupid and unloveable because for some reason youre the only one and it feels#like its never gonna change so no no you do not wish you were liks that again because it feels like absolute shit and i hate it#i just know itll reach a point where i get too old to be a newbie to this kind of stuff and im worried thats gonna affect my chances of#having a partner at that point. meeting peoples really hard and connecting with thems way harder but everyone else seems to just have this#ability that i dont. everybody can pull somebody#and i just dont have that and it makes me so upset#sorry#I really went on a vent style tangent there and I didn't mean to#ill tag it as one now#vent#tw vent
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.
#kinda fucked up that 2020 feels like it was just yesterday#and i was like 'damn i guess i havent really felt like a person since then'#but i know that's not true because i didn't feel like a person before that either#I've been in a slow downward spiral since getting covid last year and remembering that the whole time i was in school#i was just doing it because thats what i was told i should do#i dont feel like I've made a single impactful decision ever in my own fucking life#i talked about it with my therapist last year but i cant responsibly afford to go back to her anyways#and its not like ive made any real progress on anything#i probably haven't seen a doctor since i was in high school#i dont know what i want to be called#i dont know what i want to even DO with myself#because I've just been doing whatever my mom says to for so fucking long#i shouldn't have gone to college until i had something i actually wanted to do#and now i have stupid ass loans and for what?#not a fucking degree!#i dropped out four years ago and havent done a goddamn useful thing since!#i feel stupid and useless and directionless#i miss my friends#i wish there was something i was at all good at but i cant even get rid of things i dont want because i dont even know what that means#because if we're looking at it objectively i dont want *any* of the things i have right now#i hate my clothes i hate my room i dont use any of my art tools anymore and even my physical body is rejecting me#i can't even SLEEP right#fucking hell#delete later#my birthday is in a week and im lowkey wondering if it would have been better if my mom never had me lmfao#I've done nothing I've said i was going to do so whats even the point#I've got a cat I've gotta look after for a few days in november so obviously we're gonna keep cruisin but GOD i dont wanna be here#my issues arent even that bad in the grand scheme of things but because theyre happening to me it feels so much more intense because well#my life is the lens in which i experience the world lmfao#ive pretended like everythings fine for all my life but these cracks just keep getting bigger and im really not enjoying that at all!
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Ennies Lobby 3.0. yes that's happening I have too much to yap about
Omg look at these freaks
Franky is so real.... look at him....
Omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I have teared up so many times just bc luffy smiles with meaning at some point. insane btw.
MY GOOOOOOOD!!!!!! AAAAAAARGGGGGHHHHH
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
The neutrality of it all....
I forgor about aokiji revealing that he was friends with Saul and that he was protecting her because of it... the "live life and prove to me that ohara is still alive"... damn reminds me of garp saying to ace that he would find out if it was wrong for him to be born. "I don't know if it was right or wrong for saul to let you live" yeah that's it. But anyways all this happened because aokiji was loyal to his friend and now we know that he didn't even kill him!! So why is he with blackbeard?? I can't shake it!!!
I can't do it.... I can't.....
Luffy and franky talking about how mich they like the ship while he's chasing his speedos bottomless through the city 😭😭 it's so sweet actually... Franky only has one pair of speedos... thats why he ran thru the city to get them I get it now
"If you don't mind being a little rough I'm wiling to help" robin you freaky girl. But truly that is one of many robin and luffy's autistic communication moments they just know. Also if robin stopped crushing his balls but everyone could see the hands being there that means that she was just holding them for a while while he wept. Normal things here.
Franky blaming himself all this time... 🥺🥺
And he just takes his trunks and walks to the ship without putting them on akdjaosnso alpha moment while saying a melancholic goodbye to your family... crazy
What.... what is he doing
Luffy's fake ass laughing and saying how usopp will do great on his own.... I am seeing you cold sweat
This shit has always been so funny to me.... luffy definitely suffers from nepotism
Usopp asking if they don't know he's sniper king skdbjs no, they (luffy) don't know akdjaons
Look at these wet little beasts omg. Matching icons akdhaksjks
DADAN MENTION????? IN THE ACE VS BLACKBEARD CHAPTER????? AAAAAAAAHHHHH
Face card and pose unmatched as of yet. Look at the evidence.
I am killing myself now. Goodbye.
But I'm already dead!! Yohohoho... Anyways water seven and enies lobby is done.... I am scared (thriller bark) of what is coming you have no idea. Also!! Luffy nearly dying after hia battle with lucci starts the domino effect of luffy being barely strong enough to save everyone until it climaxes in sabaody and then culminates in marineford which is crazy to me btw. Luffy's evolution until then is about how no matter how strong he is it would never be enough. Insane. I don't know what else to say. I love you robin and franky. ACE STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP. nvm it's too late already. AAAAAHHHHHH
#kokoro teling robin how he didnt believe luffy at first but now he does and robon just laughing... thats a luffy believer now#zoro just saying to luffy to beat lucci and then fucking off with his head down is so good HE IS SO REPRESSED he is so scared deep down IK#why is the guy who rots swords so sultry... with that mouth covering.... so mysterious.... this is a metaphor for zoros swords as homosexua#usopp unmasked and i am crying again... reading the manga has made me cry more than the anime I AM SURE!! it is witchcraft#usopp just telling luffy to stop lying there like a dead man bc its not like him...THE FACT THAT IT IS TRUE AND THAT IF HE DOESNT GET UP#HE WILL LOSE EVERYTHING AND NOT JUST HIS LIFE. BECAUSE IF LUFFY IS NOT STRONG ENOUGH HE LOSES EVERYTHING. SICK AND TWISTED#franky and zoro are so inch resting bc they are both so masculine but zoro represses his feelings a lot and franky does the opposite...#luffy being so scared about not being able to move... when i first saw this i was SO WORRIED like wdym you cant move were all dying (me too#i knew what was going to happen woth the merry but damn didnt that first time hit... after all the anguish with luffy being immobilized#usopp not getting a reaction panel when luffy begs iceburg to fix the merry.... criminal#the volume starts with garp saying who luffys father is and ends with ace fighting blackbeard.... christ#garp knowing luffy met his father means dragon told him?? or did smoker know who luffy and dragon were??? also luffy looks so cute this ep#luffy apologising to merry... i thought i could resist.... luffy crying got to me but omg the volume 45 cover.... ACEEEEE!!! ACE GO BAAACK!#luffy asking robin what is going on with his father because she knows about current affairs :))) the first of many#nami wiretapping luffys conversation with koby is so smart she knew luffy would find out something but would say fuck all bc he doesn't car#WHITEBEARD GOT HIS SCARS FROM THE SAME GUY WHO SCARRED SHANKS??? ��️✍️#There is so much omg. The buggy past mention. Shanks coming from the west blue and his duel with mihawk...#Whitebeard saying “If you don't have any regrets then that's fine” you know who didn't want to die having any regrets? 🥺🥺🥺#OH IT WAS BLACKBEARD??? WHY DID HE FIGHT HIM??? THE THREE LINES!!!#Whitebeard saying vengeance is what he wants when he tried to stop ace....#not even defending him just proclaiming ace's wishes as his own... I can't....#Ace saying blackbeard's sniper has no manners.... the lore. Also ace just looks so good all the time...#I'm scrolling up and down just seeing him over again afjakdhsk (<- the madness begins)#Luffy having a zoan fruit that looks like a paramecia now scares me because balckbeards logia functions like a paramecia.#Is something weird going on with his one too??? Is his a zoan too??#anyways water 7 enies lobby over. i survived. i cried i wept i feared for ace's life. truly has it all#now to have some fun adventures until Zoro gets consumed by luffy's pain and nearly dies and luffy learns ace's life is in danger!!!! CHRIS#AND THEN ANOTHER FUN SLAVERY STORY!!! WITH MERMAIDS!!! AND KUMA AGAIN!!! GOD!!!! IT IS SO BAD FOR ME NOW#reading one piece#enies lobby
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#delete later#im so exhausted and stressed. theres such a lack of stability and its freaking me out SO much. im just constantly tense and waiting#for something terrible to happen. im starting to think that im not gonna get to go to the entomology thing ive been hoping#how i can't do things independently and i must have been forced into this abd rhen it'll get cruel towards my friends abd i cant#and my aunt is getting worse abd my parents are waiting for me to fail abd have to move bsck with them which i can't do bc#to go to for months bc ill probably need to use that time off for preparing to move. which sucks. ive been looking forward to it#i was letting myself get my hopes up and that was a mistake bc now im rly disappointed. im hoping i can go but honestly#idk if it'd be financially responsible. same with comic con. its in october so i can probably go but it might not be a financially#good idea. it just. the things i was counting on to be stable sources of joy are not stable anymore and that's making everything worse#and im tryinh to be positive but im so anxious. theres just so much. i need to think about packing and try to figure out#how im going to move 1-2 hours away. how am i going to coordinate with movers whilst having to get the train to meet them#im disabled and cabt help move things so only getting one person ro deliver worries me. movers arent insured to take ppl with them#theres just SO MUCH. And i can't view properties easily bc of work so im missing out on multiple places that ive been contacting#ppl about abd i couldnt line up enough for last week when i was off bc it was too short notice and i just. its TOO MUCH TOO MUCH#im overwhelmed. im trying to think of the food im gonna cook when im there ahd the armchair im gonna buy#im gonna eat so much fucking lamb and fish oh ny god im excited for THAT#i wany to just go for the shittiest place to at least have some stability and bc i still have yhat kernel of thought that i dont#deserve comfort but im trying to fight it bc i do. i deserve somewhere nice and its unfair on myself not to find somewhere nice#especially as ill be living alone. i cant go for places that have no natural light or are four stories up or are a mile away from the train#station bc that will wreck my mental health and i wont have ready access to socialising that can stabilise me. gotta be fair#to myself. but THATS PROVING REAL DIFFICULT#im doing good saving though so thats nice i guess. fuck me moving is expensive. moving when you've got zero kitchen supplies is#even more so. gonna be an Interesting first couple days in the new place.#it will be. very bad. they keep texting me asking about it and i have to be positive bc otherwise itll become a conversation about#field all that shit when im like this. i just cant. that requires so much fucking energy i dont have. and i wont move back#id frankly rather die. and trying to not say that and decline politely sucks. bc they get the look of#oh we're not good enough huh#and i can't field their fucking feelings. i either need a pause button or a fast forward. id take either one#so many of these tags ended up out of order whoops. but these arent meant to be read anyway#i just need to scream bc idk what else to do
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#i HATE it here#if this is what the rest of inpatient is like i have no clue how it helps anyone#not only do i have no control whatsoever over my life#(i can't choose when or what to eat or when to sleep i can't go outside i can't shave i cant even really go to the bathroom whenever i want#bc theres checks every 15 minutes and so i have to look like im doing okay bc otherwise someones going to come in and ask entirely unhelpful#questions and i can't change clothes in my room bc the window covers the whole room and it looks out directly on the entrance so theres no#privacy even between checks)#i feel like an animal in a cage#you know how bettas apparently bite off chunks of their tail when kept in a too small tank? thats how i feel#this is my 3rd full day here and still no one has told me what to expect#and i got ambushed by a doctor a social worker and a scribe asking me shit like what caused your depression? why are you here?#fuck if i know!!#i got sent to the fucking er from my meds checkup and no one's told me shit about what to expect here and i don't have Anything#i got sent to the er with my backpack and the clothes i was wearing and they took all of that away immediately at the er and they only gave#back a little bit of it when i got here and my dads been bringing me stuff but i can't even have a stuffed animal or conditioner!#i feel like im going crazy#i don't know any other way to describe it#i want to claw my skin off or tear out my hair or jump through a window or bang my head into a wall until i bleed#and i know thats definitely not something that would let me get out sooner#but i Did Not feel like this until i got here#all i can say is that i feel like a caged animal like im on display at a zoo#and they won't even tell me what's going to happen while im here
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Clearly people who say to just keep getting up at the same time each day aren't sleep deprived
#i get about two hours less sleep than i need every weekday and it absolutely sucks i am not making myself get up at an hour i hate#just to maintain what fragile sleep schedule i have bc i find it hard enough to get to bed before 1am regardless#let alone before midnight#and you expect me to kill myself getting up at the same time each day???? absolutely not#if i was able to wake up an hour later than i do then i might consider it but i hate that piece of ot advice bc it makes me wanna die#(metaphorically)#my ideal waking up time is actually 10am rn esp with how incapable i am of getting to bed sooner but that'll never happen :(#and what sucks is the job i might try to step into would just have shittier hours for me!!! I'd probably have to be there an hour sooner!#i would literally just want to pass away i can't do it i cant go to bed right away bc i need an hour and a half at least to unwind#BUT THATS CUTTING INTO MY EIGHT HOURS BUT IF I DONT DO THAT I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO DESTRESS DURING THE WEEK#i need alone time at night and the only time i can is after my parents go to bed#man. can you guess when im making this post#sab speaks#sab rants#ive got another rant about how people say to skip breakfast but if i do without enough sleep I'll suffer#but thats for another post
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